THE SUFI IN AN ASHRAM

its time to make peace,
make and break bread together.
enough broken bones.
we are all one!
all right,
all wrong,
all lost,
all longing,
all hearts sing,
"my God, i wander everywhere
until in Your Eyes
i am found."

Like Taking Off An Old Coat (rough draft)

i remember while i searched,
how i dressed You
in a cloak of Light
and You smiled
because i believed
this was right.

"My child, My child,
there is nothing
i wear to make this Light."

You, my Beloved, took
off the cloak
and when everything everywhere
was made naked, how It shined!

"the veils you dress Me in
are for the eyes of your body
for they would dissolve
like a moth in the fire
if you saw how bright is My Love."

we make our conversations
within the soul, untarnished
by earth's gold. you,
My obedient one must remember
the taste of the sun as it rises
is like one drop of the ocean
of honey you will taste in Paradise.

this us

the i of this
is lost
like a breath
exhaled
but we share it
rather than devour.
in and out
the definition of our
is born.

have you ever felt
this lost in the oneness?
in this us
that knocked at the door
which we blamed
for imprisoning us
in our limited selves.

and now? now in the realm
of unity
we share everything
and the journey
of melting my i into your i
leaves us ecstatic,
praise the One!
we are everything,
invisible and visible,
lost and found,
dead and alive,
this flood of bonding,
as if drunk on love,
is what made us we.

to life!
ya hayy!

Ya Wadud....

i come to you,
Love.
i am a fool,
Love,
until inside
Love
my heart sees light.
Love,
You are the guide.
Love,
finally free,
Love,
You teach me
Love.
Love,
tears fall,
Love,
You catch them all,
Love,
tears of joy i cry;
Love,
joy even in this stormy night.
Love,
father and mother;
Love
makes us sisters and brothers.
Love,
tonight i embrace even suffering.
Love,
life even as we are dieing.
Love,
comfort for every sorrow.
Love,
path to peace in every tomorrow.
Love,
i rest in the Truth.
Love,
there is nothing else, but You.
Love,
Lover,
Mother,
Father,
Friend,
Truth,
Teacher,
Compassion,
Peace,
Life,
King,
Mercy,
Creator,
Perfection,
Kindness,
Healer,

Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud.

wholeness

i dreamed i was lost
and when i woke up,
there was no i.

tossed into the sky,
you and i are birds
and as one we fly.

tossed into the water,
you and i swam
and our us danced.

tossed into a canyon,
you and i were held
inside its womb as one.

tossed into the fire,
we felt free to give up
separation and now this cup

is full of God.
drink, drink, take this
and fill yourself. it is love.

meeting the mouse

i caught the mouse;
not to worry,
it was humane
and he has all
the comfort of home
until it gets light
enough to bring him
to the woods
down the street.

i confess i have
a soft spot
for him now.
after all, we have
known each other
for a while.
we've been through
a lot together.

i have come to see
him as a guest
as he's helped himself
to whatever crumbs
he found on
the kitchen counter.

i didn't want
the cat to catch him.

that soft spot
is like a door
to my heart
and it as though
he was the first one
I opened it for.

i wasn't elated to catch him.
i was elated to meet him
though he didn't feel
the same in return.
i whispered,
"you are safe.
stay calm."

those beautiful eyes
were God's.
i know.

inside a plastic jar,
air holes hammered in,
a little water,
a little cracker,
a little bit
of an old blanket,
I offered peace.

catching a mouse like this
is a test; can i love
this itty bitty critter?
yes, definitely, yes.

Portrait of Mor

fifteen years later,
you are not like a ghost.
we are settling in
to this routine of ears
not needed to hear
and eyes not needed to see.

every october,
my eyes and ears may still search,
but it is more gently now.
my heart is a bridge
from me to you.
as grief work finishes,
our new relationship
teaches me faith.

i never believed in God
until you died,
but you knew that
and said,

"remembering is like
the glimpses of that ocean
you found when you looked into my eyes."

and i remember how i would say,
"mom, when i look into your eyes,
i don't see the place where they end."

it was my first lesson
in the meaning of eternity.
it was the first time
i would learn the distance
between us is nothing
when i walk with the words,
"i love you".

yes, love can turn it all around,
leading a girl and her mother
to the same path
even after the mother's death.
i do not grieve anymore,
i just remember
the universe is too mysterious
to take you away. i know you hear
me when i say, "jag alskar dig."

We Are One

drawing Allah in and out
of my heart merely
opens the door to the universe.
i am nothing less than i am
and nothing more...

you and i, Beloved,
we are each other.
this breathing is
the constant sharing
of Allah's breath...

this is where we lose life
and this is where we lose death,
swimming into the eternity,
the unending, the boundless,
the Only One that is.

even in the darkest places,
you and i see everything.
we are the eyes
of the One Lover,
bleeding drop by drop
into the One Mother,
touching

atom to atom,
blending and blurring
and becoming One.
in this universe,
we forget we are not separate.
we can only remember when
we whisper into each others hearts
and hear our own.
Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.
Allah
Allah
Allah
Hu.

eyes open

though the vase
is empty
i see the rose
blooming in the backyard.

though the night
is stormy
i have my hope
to show me the stars.

whirling whirling

whirling, whirling
my body wears
down.
bone and skin
inevitably lost
in the metamorphosis.
in the end,
we are only Truth.

i look up,
but i am
only
my breath now,
pure spirit,
one with sky,
delusion comes
only with things
dependent on time.

we are the flames
on our candles
we are the prayers
we pray, not the bodies
we cling to.

until breathing
takes the path
of our souls
will we remember
what we forgot
we already know.

SURRENDERING TO ALLAH

will it be like walking through a door
whether or not the door is there?
will it break my bones
or take away all i know?
will the prophet (peace be upon him)
be there reciting, chanting Your names?
will i die? or will i live?
will i take it as my last breath
when it doesn't matter anymore?
how will i close every earthly door
when my body depends on this world
and i find myself unable to turn
away and run to You, Ya Salaam,
Ya Karim, Ya Wadood, Ya Shifa,
Ya Mustafa, Ya Allah, Allah, Huuuuu.

TRAFFIC

if you are driving in your car,
slow down, turn the engine off.
lock the doors on your way out,
leave the key in the ignition.
you were headed nowhere.
you are lost.

walk until you see a tree,
touch it, listen. go ahead and grieve.
look up at the sky and inhale
and you have your ride to heaven.
lay down; open your eyes.
see the ants? they know the way!

follow them to God.
open your heart
and exit it
and enter the mystery
of the bird above you.
drink from the same puddle
it does. bathe and wish
you were adorned in feathers.

they say winged creatures
touch heaven and we have to wait
until we are dead. why?
the rush of thoughts crowd our minds.
traffic jams are like snapshots
of what we are doing inside our heads.
do you want to sing? then sing!
do you yearn to fly?
then die. then live.

(1st draft needs lots of work)

tanka...

It is a beautiful morning.
The breeze is carrying
the melodies of birds.
And I have spoken my prayer
filling the wind with it.

LOVE CLEARS THE DARKNESS IN MY HEART

once i heal He is
Light loving me.
i am married to His love,
my vows are for Him,
Lover of Love making Love
to us all... my heart waited
for an eternity to be touched
so tenderly, embraced and sheltered.

the world is without me now.
i am in the Light of my heart.
what you see is my body.
what i am is His wife,
married to Love,
a Love child, singing to the stars
because they remind me of Him,
Light in the darkness,
my heart is on fire.
all i know is my desire
is to become one
with You, My Love.

SHEDDING THE SUPERFICIAL

answer them,
not as yourself,
but as wisdom
or starlight
or the first dream
ever dreamed.

name yourself
for them
and through them.
call yourself
rahman,
salam,
karim,
wadud,
shifa,
rahim

for with this Love will be made,
angry hearts will fill with compassion,
blame will be softened and transformed into mercy,
disease of heart, mind, body and soul
will be healed by the One who Heals,
greed will be forgotten in gifts of charity,
the oppressed will be set free.
spread the blessings of Allah everywhere!

we are not Him,
but He is there
as every cell
and atom
surrenders to Him.
Assalam Alaykum
to all,

to my brothers,
my sisters,
to our teachers,
to lovers of Allah,
to my Buddhist, Zoraostrian,
Sikh, Christian, Jewish
and pagan neighbors
who know kindness,
love, mercy and peace.

in the Oneness of Love,
we will be kin.

whether you are Muslim
or atheist, far or near,
angry or peaceful,
blameworthy or saintly,
i share with you
my bread,

humanity,
i share so that you will know
we are all one family,
Loved,
Loving,
Lovers,
touched by the Beloved...

Love is all there is.
Amin,
So Be It,
Amen.

What Made Me Humble

i curled myself up,
blossom backtracking into bud,
opened my heart and let it bleed,
tender is this refusal to become any more.
i waited a lifetime to be the rose
or the smell of the grass after
a thunderstorm or the sound
of the leaves in autumn
or lovers as they
love.
but, God...
here in your arms,
i am.
i am.

written while reading a dying priest's poem (last revised on 6/14/08)

all i know is i
expected beauty
in his description
of dying.
why was he smiling?

a pastor has a gift,
i thought as i rewound the words
verse by verse. read it again
from the beginning

"to read this poem,"
he writes,
"remember you are dying, too."

and if we are all dying,
why waste words on moonlight?
and it was as if he were reading my mind.
even a priest, in the midst of it
looks into the face of death and says
not yet.
not yet.

he opened the book back up
and said read it, this time
as if it is your dying heart's last wish.

i am here at my desk,
pen in hand, hoping to create a word for this.
there isn't one. i read your poem again
and when i'm done, i look and there it is.

the moon is making love!
why did it never tell me
it's secret? why won't it tell
me the ones you hide in your words?
here i am.
alone,
afraid,
alive.
and after forty seven years on earth,
i still have so much to learn.
death is a teacher,
and in the end, the student
learns through layers
over and over and over again.

(this is a very rough draft, not sure it is ready to be here so it will probably be revised and revised for awhile).

Sister, Sister

(lyrics)

my song for you waits here,
we have never met. yes,
we have, we have never met,
yes we have. they sing
in a language that is foreign
to my ear, but the melody
reaches into my heart,
clear as a bell, i hear
you are crying, i listen
to your tears. sister, i am here.

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

my guitar played a happy tune,
until your heartbreak broke through.
i am listening for answers now,
i am listening so closely now.
why have you gone silent?
why can't i hear?
is it my ears? or are you gone?
sister sister where are you now?

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

they tell me we are enemies.
they tell me there can't be peace
until all the soldiers come home.
bring them home. bring them home now.
you're not alone; we are one family.
sisters, brothers, daughters, fathers,
cousins, uncles, strangers, friends,
doctors, teachers, poets, farmers,
shepherds. in all this, there are
men and women young and old,
babies and children, orphaned
because no one knows how
to make these battles end.

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

insert yourself here...

(an autobiographical recollection)
insert yourself here...

here a woman on the news
is crying because
in a fire, her home disappeared.

here a dog is tortured,
beaten and nearly dead
because he peed
in his owners flower bed.

here a child is an orphan
living under a bridge
with a dozen other orphans.

here geese return again,
the pond gone, the field gone,
now there is a mansion.

here is a grandmother
who must choose between food
or a day where arthritis doesn't hurt.

here you are
watching the news
while you eat your supper
and though you hear
what is being said,
your heart is dead.

learning to...

jotting down words
meaningless without You
and there are no words
to describe what happened
when my life opened up
the scent of my soul
like the dawn

why have you forgotten punctuation?
the teachers ask

i tell them
i haven't

where are the poems?
friends ask

nowhere
i say
and everywhere
why are you asking?

you have changed
my mother sighs

mama
i am in Love
thats all
nothing
else
i

pick up an eraser
and Allah erases
who i was
and
Allah builds
my new life
with faith
with hope

did i make a mistake?
i ask when i look
in the mirror
and my heart opens
and i know
certainly

only through Him
i am