While Kneeling Before The Rose

THE SUFI IN AN ASHRAM

2010-02-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

its time to make peace,
make and break bread together.
enough broken bones.
we are all one!
all right,
all wrong,
all lost,
all longing,
all hearts sing,
"my God, i wander everywhere
until in Your Eyes
i am found."

Like Taking Off An Old Coat (rough draft)

2009-07-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

i remember while i searched,
how i dressed You
in a cloak of Light
and You smiled
because i believed
this was right.

"My child, My child,
there is nothing
i wear to make this Light."

You, my Beloved, took
off the cloak
and when everything everywhere
was made naked, how It shined!

"the veils you dress Me in
are for the eyes of your body
for they would dissolve
like a moth in the fire
if you saw how bright is My Love."

we make our conversations
within the soul, untarnished
by earth's gold. you,
My obedient one must remember
the taste of the sun as it rises
is like one drop of the ocean
of honey you will taste in Paradise.

this us

2009-02-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

the i of this
is lost
like a breath
exhaled
but we share it
rather than devour.
in and out
the definition of our
is born.

have you ever felt
this lost in the oneness?
in this us
that knocked at the door
which we blamed
for imprisoning us
in our limited selves.

and now? now in the realm
of unity
we share everything
and the journey
of melting my i into your i
leaves us ecstatic,
praise the One!
we are everything,
invisible and visible,
lost and found,
dead and alive,
this flood of bonding,
as if drunk on love,
is what made us we.

to life!
ya hayy!

Ya Wadud....

2008-12-17T03:17:00.000-08:00

i come to you,
Love.
i am a fool,
Love,
until inside
Love
my heart sees light.
Love,
You are the guide.
Love,
finally free,
Love,
You teach me
Love.
Love,
tears fall,
Love,
You catch them all,
Love,
tears of joy i cry;
Love,
joy even in this stormy night.
Love,
father and mother;
Love
makes us sisters and brothers.
Love,
tonight i embrace even suffering.
Love,
life even as we are dieing.
Love,
comfort for every sorrow.
Love,
path to peace in every tomorrow.
Love,
i rest in the Truth.
Love,
there is nothing else, but You.
Love,
Lover,
Mother,
Father,
Friend,
Truth,
Teacher,
Compassion,
Peace,
Life,
King,
Mercy,
Creator,
Perfection,
Kindness,
Healer,

Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud, Ya Wadud.

wholeness

2008-12-12T02:31:00.001-08:00

i dreamed i was lost
and when i woke up,
there was no i.

tossed into the sky,
you and i are birds
and as one we fly.

tossed into the water,
you and i swam
and our us danced.

tossed into a canyon,
you and i were held
inside its womb as one.

tossed into the fire,
we felt free to give up
separation and now this cup

is full of God.
drink, drink, take this
and fill yourself. it is love.

meeting the mouse

2008-11-11T12:05:00.001-08:00

i caught the mouse;
not to worry,
it was humane
and he has all
the comfort of home
until it gets light
enough to bring him
to the woods
down the street.

i confess i have
a soft spot
for him now.
after all, we have
known each other
for a while.
we've been through
a lot together.

i have come to see
him as a guest
as he's helped himself
to whatever crumbs
he found on
the kitchen counter.

i didn't want
the cat to catch him.

that soft spot
is like a door
to my heart
and it as though
he was the first one
I opened it for.

i wasn't elated to catch him.
i was elated to meet him
though he didn't feel
the same in return.
i whispered,
"you are safe.
stay calm."

those beautiful eyes
were God's.
i know.

inside a plastic jar,
air holes hammered in,
a little water,
a little cracker,
a little bit
of an old blanket,
I offered peace.

catching a mouse like this
is a test; can i love
this itty bitty critter?
yes, definitely, yes.

Portrait of Mor

2008-10-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

fifteen years later,
you are not like a ghost.
we are settling in
to this routine of ears
not needed to hear
and eyes not needed to see.

every october,
my eyes and ears may still search,
but it is more gently now.
my heart is a bridge
from me to you.
as grief work finishes,
our new relationship
teaches me faith.

i never believed in God
until you died,
but you knew that
and said,

"remembering is like
the glimpses of that ocean
you found when you looked into my eyes."

and i remember how i would say,
"mom, when i look into your eyes,
i don't see the place where they end."

it was my first lesson
in the meaning of eternity.
it was the first time
i would learn the distance
between us is nothing
when i walk with the words,
"i love you".

yes, love can turn it all around,
leading a girl and her mother
to the same path
even after the mother's death.
i do not grieve anymore,
i just remember
the universe is too mysterious
to take you away. i know you hear
me when i say, "jag alskar dig."

We Are One

2008-10-21T04:56:00.001-07:00

drawing Allah in and out
of my heart merely
opens the door to the universe.
i am nothing less than i am
and nothing more...

you and i, Beloved,
we are each other.
this breathing is
the constant sharing
of Allah's breath...

this is where we lose life
and this is where we lose death,
swimming into the eternity,
the unending, the boundless,
the Only One that is.

even in the darkest places,
you and i see everything.
we are the eyes
of the One Lover,
bleeding drop by drop
into the One Mother,
touching

atom to atom,
blending and blurring
and becoming One.
in this universe,
we forget we are not separate.
we can only remember when
we whisper into each others hearts
and hear our own.
Ya Allah.
Ya Allah.
Allah
Allah
Allah
Hu.

eyes open

2008-09-12T15:36:00.001-07:00

though the vase
is empty
i see the rose
blooming in the backyard.

though the night
is stormy
i have my hope
to show me the stars.

whirling whirling

2008-08-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

whirling, whirling
my body wears
down.
bone and skin
inevitably lost
in the metamorphosis.
in the end,
we are only Truth.

i look up,
but i am
only
my breath now,
pure spirit,
one with sky,
delusion comes
only with things
dependent on time.

we are the flames
on our candles
we are the prayers
we pray, not the bodies
we cling to.

until breathing
takes the path
of our souls
will we remember
what we forgot
we already know.

SURRENDERING TO ALLAH

2008-07-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

will it be like walking through a door
whether or not the door is there?
will it break my bones
or take away all i know?
will the prophet (peace be upon him)
be there reciting, chanting Your names?
will i die? or will i live?
will i take it as my last breath
when it doesn't matter anymore?
how will i close every earthly door
when my body depends on this world
and i find myself unable to turn
away and run to You, Ya Salaam,
Ya Karim, Ya Wadood, Ya Shifa,
Ya Mustafa, Ya Allah, Allah, Huuuuu.

TRAFFIC

2008-07-22T16:10:00.001-07:00

if you are driving in your car,
slow down, turn the engine off.
lock the doors on your way out,
leave the key in the ignition.
you were headed nowhere.
you are lost.

walk until you see a tree,
touch it, listen. go ahead and grieve.
look up at the sky and inhale
and you have your ride to heaven.
lay down; open your eyes.
see the ants? they know the way!

follow them to God.
open your heart
and exit it
and enter the mystery
of the bird above you.
drink from the same puddle
it does. bathe and wish
you were adorned in feathers.

they say winged creatures
touch heaven and we have to wait
until we are dead. why?
the rush of thoughts crowd our minds.
traffic jams are like snapshots
of what we are doing inside our heads.
do you want to sing? then sing!
do you yearn to fly?
then die. then live.

(1st draft needs lots of work)

tanka...

2008-07-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful morning.
The breeze is carrying
the melodies of birds.
And I have spoken my prayer
filling the wind with it.

LOVE CLEARS THE DARKNESS IN MY HEART

2008-07-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

once i heal He is
Light loving me.
i am married to His love,
my vows are for Him,
Lover of Love making Love
to us all... my heart waited
for an eternity to be touched
so tenderly, embraced and sheltered.

the world is without me now.
i am in the Light of my heart.
what you see is my body.
what i am is His wife,
married to Love,
a Love child, singing to the stars
because they remind me of Him,
Light in the darkness,
my heart is on fire.
all i know is my desire
is to become one
with You, My Love.

SHEDDING THE SUPERFICIAL

2008-06-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

answer them,
not as yourself,
but as wisdom
or starlight
or the first dream
ever dreamed.

name yourself
for them
and through them.
call yourself
rahman,
salam,
karim,
wadud,
shifa,
rahim

for with this Love will be made,
angry hearts will fill with compassion,
blame will be softened and transformed into mercy,
disease of heart, mind, body and soul
will be healed by the One who Heals,
greed will be forgotten in gifts of charity,
the oppressed will be set free.
spread the blessings of Allah everywhere!

we are not Him,
but He is there
as every cell
and atom
surrenders to Him.
Assalam Alaykum
to all,

to my brothers,
my sisters,
to our teachers,
to lovers of Allah,
to my Buddhist, Zoraostrian,
Sikh, Christian, Jewish
and pagan neighbors
who know kindness,
love, mercy and peace.

in the Oneness of Love,
we will be kin.

whether you are Muslim
or atheist, far or near,
angry or peaceful,
blameworthy or saintly,
i share with you
my bread,

humanity,
i share so that you will know
we are all one family,
Loved,
Loving,
Lovers,
touched by the Beloved...

Love is all there is.
Amin,
So Be It,
Amen.

What Made Me Humble

2008-06-18T04:09:00.000-07:00

i curled myself up,
blossom backtracking into bud,
opened my heart and let it bleed,
tender is this refusal to become any more.
i waited a lifetime to be the rose
or the smell of the grass after
a thunderstorm or the sound
of the leaves in autumn
or lovers as they
love.
but, God...
here in your arms,
i am.
i am.

written while reading a dying priest's poem (last revised on 6/14/08)

2008-06-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

all i know is i
expected beauty
in his description
of dying.
why was he smiling?

a pastor has a gift,
i thought as i rewound the words
verse by verse. read it again
from the beginning

"to read this poem,"
he writes,
"remember you are dying, too."

and if we are all dying,
why waste words on moonlight?
and it was as if he were reading my mind.
even a priest, in the midst of it
looks into the face of death and says
not yet.
not yet.

he opened the book back up
and said read it, this time
as if it is your dying heart's last wish.

i am here at my desk,
pen in hand, hoping to create a word for this.
there isn't one. i read your poem again
and when i'm done, i look and there it is.

the moon is making love!
why did it never tell me
it's secret? why won't it tell
me the ones you hide in your words?
here i am.
alone,
afraid,
alive.
and after forty seven years on earth,
i still have so much to learn.
death is a teacher,
and in the end, the student
learns through layers
over and over and over again.

(this is a very rough draft, not sure it is ready to be here so it will probably be revised and revised for awhile).

Sister, Sister

2008-06-03T03:52:00.000-07:00

(lyrics)

my song for you waits here,
we have never met. yes,
we have, we have never met,
yes we have. they sing
in a language that is foreign
to my ear, but the melody
reaches into my heart,
clear as a bell, i hear
you are crying, i listen
to your tears. sister, i am here.

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

my guitar played a happy tune,
until your heartbreak broke through.
i am listening for answers now,
i am listening so closely now.
why have you gone silent?
why can't i hear?
is it my ears? or are you gone?
sister sister where are you now?

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

they tell me we are enemies.
they tell me there can't be peace
until all the soldiers come home.
bring them home. bring them home now.
you're not alone; we are one family.
sisters, brothers, daughters, fathers,
cousins, uncles, strangers, friends,
doctors, teachers, poets, farmers,
shepherds. in all this, there are
men and women young and old,
babies and children, orphaned
because no one knows how
to make these battles end.

*chorus*
sister sister drums call
from my heart to yours.
you have never known peace
and i have never known war.
sister sister drums call;
feel me so prayerful,
i reach around the world
to help.
to help.
sister sister how how how?

insert yourself here...

2008-05-19T12:12:00.001-07:00

(an autobiographical recollection)
insert yourself here...

here a woman on the news
is crying because
in a fire, her home disappeared.

here a dog is tortured,
beaten and nearly dead
because he peed
in his owners flower bed.

here a child is an orphan
living under a bridge
with a dozen other orphans.

here geese return again,
the pond gone, the field gone,
now there is a mansion.

here is a grandmother
who must choose between food
or a day where arthritis doesn't hurt.

here you are
watching the news
while you eat your supper
and though you hear
what is being said,
your heart is dead.

learning to...

2008-05-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

jotting down words
meaningless without You
and there are no words
to describe what happened
when my life opened up
the scent of my soul
like the dawn

why have you forgotten punctuation?
the teachers ask

i tell them
i haven't

where are the poems?
friends ask

nowhere
i say
and everywhere
why are you asking?

you have changed
my mother sighs

mama
i am in Love
thats all
nothing
else
i

pick up an eraser
and Allah erases
who i was
and
Allah builds
my new life
with faith
with hope

did i make a mistake?
i ask when i look
in the mirror
and my heart opens
and i know
certainly

only through Him
i am

HUNGER

2008-04-26T04:48:00.001-07:00

(edit: 4/27/08)

my belly is proof of it,
my senses longing
for the sweet things.
sugar and cars,
stereos and jewelry,
new hardwood floors,
an hdtv and magazines,
a diamond and pearl
and a new gold ring.
i hunger to live simply,
unattached to fads and trends,
never bothered by donuts
and diet soda. i want to wake up
at dawn by the nudge of the first rays
of sun, feel full on gratitude
and a day where i may serve the Lord.
what a world this would be
if I surrendered to be nourished
and lived on in Truth aware and blessed.

haiku

2008-04-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

as birds watch
a girl sings
to the daffodils

Touching Faith

2008-04-09T03:56:00.000-07:00

you have your doubt
because doubt
is the bars of a cage
you believe in.
you see only
a blurred world of illusion.
still gently as the breath prays
the soul dreams its way
out of every prison people create,
including the fear
that leads to lack of belief.
Lover, it's your heart we seek
inside our own. you have felt
the breath of Him on your skin
until you named it wind.
how can we know
we dress things in our own
sense of limitation?

if i placed a star in the palm of your hand,
you would feel the way
the earth feels when it becomes
a mother to a forest of seeds.
behold the star now.
if you believe it
is what you view from earth,
balance it in the palm of your hand.
if you can't, you have touched Truth,
allowing your heart the faith
of the entire universe.

(a rough draft still in progress)

forget about time

2008-03-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

look into this day.
this universe
of Love is
not time.
why?

His
Love will
sift through
any hour glass
untouched, unchanged.
it will always be. it will always be Love.

THANK YOU NOTE FOR THE BIRD

2008-02-11T05:03:00.000-08:00

you don’t need a fairy
to carry you, bird.
you fly fine on your own.
and i don’t need an angel
to heal the hurt.
i just need your song.

SOUL'S SOUNDS

2008-02-11T05:01:00.000-08:00

her voice like
her guitar was
out of tune
so she turned
the notes
to shades of gray
and the sky bloomed
songs like drums
and thunder.

faith played
a holy song
through her.
she gave God
her music,
off-key,
but still
beautiful
as any other
love song for Him.
she knew nothing
about lyrics,
only that the universe
seeks those willing to sing.

ROOTS AND SEEDS

2008-02-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

to mention them all
would take a lifetime.
here are just a few:
tulip, tomato, woman,
river, camel, whale,
raindrop, star, bird,
pearl, lion, cloud,
tree, beetle, moon…

if you were to search
within each one
and search within again
and again and again,

farther than any microscope
could go, you would be amazed
to find every atom swirling
around and around and around
the One. within you is a root
going back to Him that contains
the answer to every secret,
the remedy for every doubt.
the heartbeat of everything
in the universe. you, alone,
would be nothing if you knew
you are not you, but a God-seed
of the eternal Truth.

LETTING GO OF THE POEM

2008-01-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

there is nothing sweeter
than realizing every other hunger
is nothing more than fear.
the words we utter to fill us
in the silence are lost.
in God, that silence is nectar.
and, yes, we may battle
the meaningless for a lifetime.
not every habit can be broken,
but recall His mercy.
He knows you think
you need to be a poet,
a poet, who must craft poems
before he can let them go
then loses track of the reason
he wrote...
your words don't matter any more
and that is the beauty of Love.
do you hear Him in your shame
in your heart tonight?
this page is not blank.
why be so afraid you babble
in a languageless place?

THE FIRST NIGHT

2008-01-09T05:47:00.001-08:00

"one winter night,"
He said,
"I decided
to mold the stars
with a substance
that would look
from earth
like my Light
so that in
times of doubt,
you would see
I am there
no matter what
you see tonight."

WAKING THE DREAM

2007-12-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

it's like grammar school,
learning to spell
my name,
letting my tiny fingers
grip the pencil,
twisting and turning
on the page, the proud
feeling while waiting
for the gold star
and a on the report card...

only to be given a new name,
one that came when i remembered
the Oneness of Love, like a soul
tucked in to a body, waiting
for daddy's good night kiss.
listen.
though we remain His children,
lessons in life acted like paint
hiding a masterpiece beneath.
those dreams of paradise?
they aren't dreams.

TASTE OF GOD

2007-12-18T04:01:00.000-08:00

those who have tasted God carry it;
ecstasy never leaves their voices.
we don't need a language
to understand it in,
just make a sound
and whatever comes
from your mouth
will emanate
the taste
of Love.

Hu!

You
drip
invisibly,
inaudibly
from our
lips.

LOVE?

2007-12-16T05:41:00.000-08:00

Through this,
you lead me through
the night.
The path to peace
is lit. I yearn You,
Lord, Most Merciful,
Most Compassionate.
Am I the essence
You want me to be,
pure ingredients
creating my heart?
Am I real
in this, Lover?
Can I really be
Love?
Lover of Love,
do I Love You?
In the sound
of my heart,
Love,
is that You?

HOPE WRITTEN ON A STORMY NIGHT

2007-12-16T05:19:00.000-08:00

Call it starlight,
this flame
that has not failed me...

call it God-Light
and sigh it
into the universe
like every star
that brightens
this night sky.

If I can't see stars,
still my heart;
We whispered
away doubt
with Mystery,
making possible
what we deny
God creates.

There are so many signs,
so many paths
to peace.

And they are not dreams.
Even in my confusion tonight,
even in the aftermath
of heartbreak,
we will trust in the Divine.
He is unbeatable; He is
every unknown Essence
scattering
seeds
of Light.

Oh, Light of Love.
You are the Teacher,
teaching us to touch
our way out of darkness.
Your hand leads ours
and faith itself will give sight
to any unseeing eye
tonight.

HOW WE SAY GOODBYE

2007-12-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

(for Aqsa Parvez)
http://www.thestar.com/search?&q=aqsa&r=

my darling child,
rebellious
one
who sought only
what a child would,
how has it come to this?
the name of our God
is the same
yet you have died
because of Him
and i have
claimed
only
Love
in His Name.

God's own tears
can't undo
what
was
done
to
you

who is safe now
in the hands of God.
if only,
if only,
if only
one of us had known
(we did know),
had been there
to stop
him.

now
He holds you,
like a star in the sky.
you are my universe tonight.
i never cried
like this before,
never yearned to shed
my own guilt
so much
because
we waited
for it to come to this,
selfishly
failing
to protect
what you alone
could not protect.
my love will yearn forever to resuscitate
the will to fight
what you alone
could
not
fight.

i am your voice
and you,
my
darling
child,
were mine
because
i no longer
care
what
i will
sacrifice.

in death,
you
became
the child
of Love,
sweet sister,
beloved
child.

i am awake tonight
to pray
your life
will wake us all.
i am crying tonight
what tears can't heal.

in our mistakes,
humanness is forgiven,
but what happens
now.
we should have come.
we should have heard.

what there is to learn,
oppression
wears
your
face
and everywhere
we hear no answer
when we call out your name.
you
show
us
we
are
all
to
blame.

Our prayers must break our silence
like a storm cloud
until His Love reigns again.

He Is Why

2007-12-14T05:39:00.001-08:00

He is the why

the Y of You
the I in why

the Y seed
dots the i
with why

why?
He is why

without Y
without I
without Why

the word of God
could not be
spoken

LIGHT DOES NOT SHATTER

2007-12-11T05:11:00.000-08:00

the reason
light will not shatter
gave it so huge a symbolic duty.
watch closely because it can shine
no matter how many rays we deem divided.
scattering,
there
is
only
the
scattering,
like star dust,
still glittering,
gently,
like whispering
of angels
when a child is born.
the sun isn't made
of breakable
matter.
it's power feels more
like a note of the song
from God's Oneness
than the glass that holds
the blood of Jesus.

there is, after all,
only the symbol
of blood,
the illusion of death,
our tongues taste Truth
in the names of God,
infinite
expressions
of the One.

there is a place
in God's world
for shattering
and scattering
and shards,
but nothing is ever
enough to turn
to wound the sense
of Light in us.

those are stories,
fiction,
fantasies.

a zillion rays
make a zillion pieces
of light. after all,
God uses this to guide
the lost,
the empty,
the aching,
the shredded,
the bleeding.

we have witnessed
the ability of
a kiss of the most miniscule
trickle of light
to heal
a person for life.

LEARN TO SWIM

2007-11-26T06:21:00.000-08:00

how do i feel
when i cannot feel
myself fleeing
into the dreams?
how would i tell
my emotions
from the God-touch,
the sacred ray
of my soul?
it's not as if
they are oceans
i can swim across
and at the same time,
it's impossible
leaving my continent
to enter Yours
when You are the only Owner
of the universe.

there it is!
the answer was a lost verse

and i felt it when i watched
myself melt into water,
no longer afraid, no
longer attached
to the need
to find land again.
my prayers are just these drops
of water that my spirit
knows by name. i would fall
like the sun on the horizon
just to lift myself up
and exhale You,
Guiding Light,
Star-kissed Night,
flame of my soul,
we feel you now.
welcome
us
home.

UNSEEN HUES

2007-11-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

i am not.
the flame of wisdom
may only bring me
the illusion of burning.

You are.
You are not this mystery,
You are not this hiding.

i am.
quietly, i become aware of You
as if recalling a dream,
the chameleon of Truth.

You are.
You are emptiness.
You are fulfillment.

i am; we are.
the only taxi to You is Love
and no matter what the body wishes for,
You are the constant chance to Love once more.

(Note: I'm moving all the poems from Poems With Wings into this blog. I'm not going to backdate, but I will probably list the date it was published in the old blog)

RISING IN PRAYERS

2007-11-19T04:27:00.000-08:00

the sun is rising like the fragrance
of the rose. when we wake
from our dreams, the hues
of our souls look through our eyes
and exclaim, "Allah is greater
and prayer is better than sleep!"

if it were a flame,
Love would devour us
and we would cease
to exist in the burden
we have always believed
was the real you and me.

if it were a foreign language,
it would still leave us
among the nameless,
the ones whom words cannot cage.
we know now, Love,
Your Essence is not the face
we insist to veil it with...
and it is diving into the depths
of Your Essence that teaches best
how to live in it.

LISTENING TO MOZART AND ANGELS

2007-11-19T04:19:00.000-08:00

Love makes music;
music makes Love.
Your ears and our ears
yearn it like no other
conversation between us.
There is no better evidence
of angels than this.
The melody is how we hear
the human heart's desire
to fly, the sound of sorrow
transformed into a prayerful cry.
When we enter paradise,
the music will have so many secrets
to share, we will spend the rest
of eternity mesmerized.

PAPA KNOWS

2007-11-15T05:51:00.001-08:00

(lots of rough drafts spilling out of me today and i want to note them in the blog because they are my questions and answers about peace all at once)

bawa, my eyes are failing.
papa, i can't see.

papa, there is a veil
of words i put over God's words
and now i am too blind to read.
bawa, if i told them this,
they would take me to doctors
because all i want to tell them
is, "i have found the way to peace
is to let it be like rain."
cleanse me of my sins. bawa, am i crazy
to think it's as simple as bleeding
peace drop by drop no matter how hard
someone else bleeds for war?
am i wrong to love God more?

isn't it just to make love?
isn't it just to refuse anger
and replace it with this sweet dream
where no one is harmed, where everyone

sees
You
are
calling
us to be
Peace,
where
we
have
no
choice
but
to
be
children
drawn
to
Love?

what is i?

2007-11-15T05:33:00.001-08:00

i am the desire
to become this bruise,
same color as the night,
where am i?

or is the i an illusion?

the dream is not going anywhere,
the false will not commit itself to truth.
the singer can fill the song, but not become it.
yet we all find our way to this longing

to be in Love.

you and i share the wound,
we are forgetting who we are
and who we are to God.
so why, why, why are we still so scared?

we are the antibiotic, too.

feel me, this blood fills me,
this love of life blinds me,
when everything is God
why is God still so hard for us to see?

our glasses smashed in the street; now the bare feet bleed.

i will carry you, lift you, hold you,
is this God? this dance?
dance. we are dancing.
we are God's dance. dance.

dreamer, dream.
lover, love.
sister, brother,
mother father,

God. it is all God.

this religion
is like Muhammed,
Peace Be Upon Him,
who walked away from a war

to lead millions of warriors

into the heart
of a community and said,
"now the greater jihad begins."
you and i are the ones holding guns,

not God.

JUST LOVE

2007-11-15T03:04:00.001-08:00

every time
i tell someone
about islam,
i say,
"peace."
i say,
"salaam."
this alone
speaks volumes
about my faith

that every Muslim
lives today
to teach the meaning
of greeting
the world in peace.

i think we all agree
that the wounds
are blood in the palms
of God, that Christ,
Peace Be Upon Him,
was not crucified
so that we might make war
instead of love.

and Noah wasn't given
the duty of an ark
so large it could
rescue us in pairs
just so that we could
spend these years
separating over the veil
of God we call our differences.

don't we all breathe
the same air?
don't we ultimately
share it?

the need for Mercy
is not to be gambled,
hidden until one wins
and another loses.
in those games,
we think we gather around God
but Shaytan deals the cards.

let me point at my own face,
let me make due with the fact
that all belongs to God.
i owe Him this claim
of my own pile of shame.

i can see only myself
in the mirror of God's eyes.
i must repent my own way
back into God's grace
and you repent your way
into yours. we can do it with
the rays of the peace of God
in our eyes,our hearts and legs.
our hands must hold what matters,
not cards or dice or bombs.

how can we not forgive
when every moment of our lives,
God is forgiving.
this God beyond description
shows us one thing.
pleasing God is just love
until just love
is enough for everyone.

Muhammed, Peace Be Upon Him,
waits in his heart to be touched
by the beauty as Allah
is praised with all our senses.
there is nothing more
to life than this.
the purpose of life
is to live it as His.

YA RAHMAN

2007-11-14T02:40:00.000-08:00

let it be my truth.
the first name of my Lover
is the heart of my desire.

Ya Rahman

may i make good
with Your Goodness.
may my deeds be sweet
as the habits of birds
greeting that first light.

Ya Rahman

let me wake to my desire
to please You as i reach
into the night

Ya Rahman

i awaken again
to the knowledge.
prayer is better
than sleep.

Ya Rahman

may my prayer be
beautiful as the dawn.

Ya Rahman

may every breath
of my prayer
scatter the seeds
of Your Goodness,

Ya Rahman,

throughout the world.

Ya Rahman

may i be so full of beneficence,
my entire being shimmers
with Divine Light.

Ya Rahman

this yearning
is a candle under the stars.

Ya Rahman

i know nothing of Your Goodness
unless i seek to make it the heart
of my heart, the breath of my breath,
the voice of my voice is Yours,
O Tenderly Beneficient One.

Ya Rahman
Ya Rahman
Ya Rahman

WHAT YOU TRULY ARE NOT

2007-11-13T02:05:00.000-08:00

Light
will not
catch
so trust
you are not caught
in the brambles,
you truly are not.
you did not stop going
toward God.
the thorns will remind you
of Him. they are just like angels.
you should thank them!
His Love is more than
any illusion.
God let you get stuck
on the lesson of the thorn.
are you praying?
are you patient?
are you sure
you want
nothing
more
than
God?

A SHAYKH IS REMEMBERED

2007-11-08T03:29:00.000-08:00

ELEGY FOR LEX HIXON

in my heart,
you are an author
whose book
fills my mind
with pages,

questions
that we find at
every intersection,
you took the time
to answer,
Brother
on the Path of Light,
the Path of the Beloved.

do you smile at our tough shells?
do you wait to tell us the tool
is love? the hammer can't break us.
with gentle encouragement, we make friends
with the most fragile flowers in the Beloved's garden.

we all need Love to become buds
and more Love to be one with the Bloom.
one man's light stands by while we work
to reach the meat of our heart.
we drank the words
of the Quran
all night.

he showed the way
and it was just another november,
the first day, years after his ray went home,

we are here
tonight
not to fade.
for in heaven
there is no dusk
and it is always a new dawn.
the walls came down
when we learned
there was no need for them,
just the strength
of the Sufi, at home
on every holy route,
the wanderer,
the seeker,
the dreamer,
the song
you sang,
we are singing, too.

WANTING TO CHANT

2007-11-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

(this is a very rough draft, but I wanted to post it here anyway)

tonight
at midnight
in the quiet,
i will pray
myself
into
You,

la ilaha ill allah

Heartbeat
of heartbeats.

la ilaha ill allah

there is no us,
no me, no not.
there is no you,
but You.

la ilaha ill allah

Divine Everything,
in the silence
after the midnight chime,

la ilaha ill allah

all that is here,
all that is caught up
for a while in time speaks.

la ilaha ill allah

hear all existence
in the stillness

la ilaha ill allah

worshiping
You.

la ilaha ill allah

there is no you
but You

la ilaha ill allah

IN DRAWING THE SPIRAL

2007-10-31T03:14:00.000-07:00

Regarding my poem about The Goddess, most of us say there is no such thing as male or female in God. Yet when many people hear God or Allah, they think of "Him" in a masculine sense. I try to use a variety of names for The Nameless One in my blogs to loosen others and myself from the habit of making God into an image of a man.

IN DRAWING THE SPIRAL

the sound of The Goddess
appears. how does
the swirling of crayons
on paper become so obvious
a sign, so obvious
a melody?

when you can't hear
Her voice, take chalk
or pens or even a stick
and let Her sing you
into the sound,
pirouette
after
pirouette.

Her melodies
will peel away
our layers of doubt,
exposing the soul's gift
of harmony.
even in the silence,
She listens, tucking us
into Her Heart
where Light and Sound
and even Heaven and Earth
become at once every synonym
for Love and Peace in the realm of eternity..

(last revision: 11/9/07)

PEARLS

2007-10-26T04:55:00.000-07:00

sorrow is not the cause of this.
my heart isn't heavy with this weight
because it is hurt. i chased
joy and now my hair is going gray
and being immersed in Your Love means more
than avoiding what i risk to yearn.
You are nodding. You give me a feather,
to put in the dream of my wings
and tell me to ache to fly
until the ache is joy and my cries
are hymns full of gratitude.
"tears," God says, "turn to pearls
when they fall for Me and Me alone."

when you're the one to smell the rose...

2007-10-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

Salaam,

The other day I was wowed by something Lex Hixon wrote in the beginning of "The Heart of the Koran". His friend smelled roses when they made the spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca. It made me wonder what this might have to do with how often I "smell flowers that aren't there" in recent months. This morning, while listening to some great music, it happened. I smelled the rose. When stuff like that happens, I feel myself leaving this world and how hard it would be to exist in both worlds at once. God has helped me though to find a place where I can touch Love and have another drop of It spilled into my heart.

Probably not too many people expect to dance with God. We don't think God would choose us for a dance. Just like our first dances at school and our first cases of puppy love, we're wondering if we might not be special enough to be wrapped in His arms and led on the Dance floor. That's the only thing that stands between ourselves and God, thinking we're not special enough. We think God only goes to the prophets (Peace Be Upon Them) or the saints or the mystical poets like Rumi.

I don't mean the type of special that replaces humility with gluttonous pride. True Love of God fills the humble heart. The proud heart is my personal jihad. My pride, not my lack of it, causes the lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I fight with it constantly, but there has been some tiny spark yearning to glow and grow inside my heart. This is the flame of Love that lives inside every heart. Sometimes it is buried under so much junk, it feels like it's not there.

But...God is...the most Merciful. If Allah forgives, we can forgive ourselves for the error of the junkyards in our hearts and start decluttering with a sincere desire to repent. This means to humble (not humiliate) ourselves before Allah who knows how hard we struggle. God made us; She knows what we are up against yet She also gives us the power to reject desires that lead us to sin.

Just ask; God will listen.

Know that even we , the average man and woman, can smell the rose that appears not to be there. Just one bit of advice: God knows even glimpses of pure Love could make us too drunk to walk for the rest of our lives. So God gives you and me what She gives us drop by drop until we can handle the amazing world as Muhammed (PBUH) described for God in the Beautiful Quran. Bury yourself inside the fragrance of the rose and praise God for leading you to it. You can do it. We can all do it!

Al-hamdu lillah! Praise God!

WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SMELLS THE ROSE

2007-10-24T05:11:00.000-07:00

i don't know
what i'm saying,
but Allah does.
the mystery
of not knowing
is enough
when revelation
turns like this dance
with God on my tongue.

my BeLoved, why
does the essence
of the rose
shower me now
from the depths
of my soul
as if i dream
myself into a new
sense of being?

i could fade
into it,
couldn't i?
i am senseless,
changing with faith,
etched
on my heart,
leading me into
death of self,
the fragrance,
the dance,
the mystery
of this language
leads to death
of flesh.

i breathe the Language
to be made pure
with Your Love.
i chant Your Names
again and again
until i lose all
but my call to You within.

(last revision: 10/24/07)

*footnote: see Divine Remembrance for the experience that led to this poem

IT ISN'T EASY LOVING THE ENEMY

2007-10-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

when the sky
acknowledges
your secrets,
the universe
pulls down
the walls,

the barriers
of the tiniest cells
open and what is within them
blossoms,

when we trust
what is most innate,
our actions embrace that.
we put fear down
like a gun
and move ourselves
into a new place,
where we understand
our enemies
and trust them enough
to fill them
like cupped hands
taking water.
love is love
after all.

we don't need walls;
we need to hold peace
like the most fragile
thing that needs to be
born from us.

(last revision: 10/22/07)

LAST NIGHT A MAN IN HARTFORD DIED

2007-10-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

last night a man in hartford died.

the news anchor fit it in
between two sensational stories.

most of us don't know whose life

was lost or care the heart within
once belonged to a baby.

in our faraway town, there are no crimes

and hard times are less frequent
and good times an assumed thing,

we haven't time to mourn thugs' lives.

the evening news doesn't owe a man,
but we do, we the human family,

who put tears in God's eyes.

(last revised: 8/29/07)

i will stop using the backdating option and just add these poems in with a note on the revision history.

YOU ARE HUNGRY

2007-10-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

are you hungry?

your body is a bowl
and I fill it
with ingredients
that defend
and offend
your soul,
but there are spices
to turn bitter things sweet
and other things sour.
feed your hunger,
but with my recipes.
digest but also nourish
yourself wherever
you starve
and never forcefeed,
but seek to share
each meal as proof of My Love.

(last revision: 10/19/07)

MEETING WITH GOD

2007-10-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

(I wrote this September 22; it's sort of halfway between poem and lyrics, but it helps me feel comforted by the newly felt presence of God in my life)

He meets me here
in my one step forward,
wipes away my tears,
tells me i have found my Lord.

i fill my heart with Him,
i cry out to Allah
before the day begins
and again under the stars.

the rain is my reminder
that i must wash my sins
and all day i must yearn
to be worthy of Him.

the sky did not turn blue
without His permission.
the world does not turn
unless under his direction.

Allah, my Allah,
may i be worthy of Your Love.
My Allah, Ya Allah,
may i be granted Your Compassion.

My Allah, i have no words
for the way You fill my heart
with desire to be pure
and praise You forever.

Let Your Will be my will,
let my humility be pleasing.
as i journey valleys and hills,
may my soul never cease

reaching toward You.
let my journey be worthy
lead me to You, Ya Wadood.
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim.

(last revised Sept. 22)

IN HER EMBRACE

2007-10-16T04:32:00.001-07:00

i think i would feel safest
dressed in Your Embrace,
naked beneath it
and feeling my body
as a vague and distant melody;
Your lullaby and nothing else
carried me to this place
where i could give up everything
just to be wrapped like a gift
in the essence of Your Love's Embrace.

sort of a haiku...

2007-10-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

i heard You answer
while i knelt whispering in
the ears of flowers.

(i realized today that the Divine ray comes from all of creation not just humankind. this poem honors that and is my prayer to be more loving toward earth and to take my responsibility serioiusly to revere and protect all creation).

GOD DANCED WITH ME

2007-10-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

(praise God)

my soul is slipping
away
through a secret passageway.
i am out of the cage.
and we are going to Hu.
He is beauty;
She is Father;
He is Mother;
but
also Lover
and in All Aspects, the Ultimate Friend.
i am Loved;
i am Laughing.
I am Crying.
i have tasted Love's Sweetness,
reaching for Hu
in Hu.
She answered.

i have danced with God.
does this make sense?
no, it doesn't,
but i have danced with God
and in my falling
away from my world
Hu's Embrace took the falling away.
and i tell you
the Embrace
is a Dance
and the Dance is Love.
it is a Paradise.
yes,
i have tasted Paradise.

THE ART OF BEING

2007-03-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

today i will learn
not to promise,
but to bless
possibility.
in all my words
i will aim
to speak
only truth
and to gain
wisdom
as i know
there are gifts
offered by silence.
in my heart
i will yearn
to dance in the rain,
to dissolve blame,
to kiss the face
of my most ugly self
until she becomes
someone i can love.

(last revised 3/15/07)